You’ve been in France too long when you…

  • Keep accidentally spelling appartement the French way, and then your friends all make fun of you. Why do I love them, again?
  • Feel personally offended by the rain. Like, I didn’t leave dreary northern France for grey skies and sadness
  • Forget just how…white France is in comparison to America
  • Listen to a voice message on the home phone, and the guy speaking has a southern accent so your first thought is, “Why are you so hard to understand can’t you speak in French?”
  • Check a Starbucks gift card balance via telephone for your mother and automatically select the French option
  • Wonder why American serving sizes are so large, especially because you ordered a small
  • Stare in amazement at the fact that grocery stores have more than two cash registers open
  • Shrug and say, “Don’t ask me, I haven’t been here for 7 months”
  • Cannot understand why a bag of croissants has Italian but not French on it
  • Forget how nice it is to be able to carry groceries from the car to the door
  • Sigh in relief at the fact that there isn’t someone smoking every five feet outside
  • Basically weep over your first bites of tofu, mango, Pocky, and Rice Krispies in nearly a year
  • Are deeply impressed by the fact that Americans actually pick up their dog’s poop
  • Bemoan the state of American “bread” and mutter to yourself, “That’s not a real baguette” every time you walk past one in a grocery store
  • Want to know why restaurants have ketchup but not mayo, and then you remember that American mayo is revolting
  • Forget the tipping system exists in the US
  • Realize in astonishment that, in America, businesses are actually open after 8pm and on Sundays
  • Accidentally use French, again, but at least this time it was just over Facebook with Madeline
  • Have never been more confused than when, after your parents insist on buying you a new car, the Toyota dealer drives you to the parking lot in a golf car. I’m an able-bodied person with two fully functional legs…?
  • Look at your glass of water in a restaurant and think, “I wanted water, not ice with a side of water.” Bring me back my carafes d’eau? 

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