You’ve been in France too long when…

  • The best compliment you can receive is no longer, “You speak French so well!” but a friend saying, “I always forget you’re lowkey savage af” and “I’m sure if you helped raise my kids they’d be savage af”
  • Your mom brings back a frosted buttercream cookie from the day care, and your first thought is “Ooh, pretty cookie!” And then you bite into it and nearly spit it out in disgust because it tastes like processed sugar and you’ve been ruined by French pastries. Yes, France will sometimes turn you into a snob
  • Eating the first freshly-baked egg tart in seven months nearly makes you weep at its deliciousness
  • After signing a form at Toyota, you slide it back to the employee, who says, “Thank you.” You almost reply, “De rien,” think “Shit,” and then end up saying nothing
  • You’ve given up counting the number of times you’ve accidentally used French with friends
  • While searching the fridge for baby carrots, you start talking to yourself out loud in French, wondering where they could possibly be hiding
  • Your phone now autocorrects your English into French. It knows you’re a nerd.
  • While wandering through a buffet with your friends and surveying all the unappetizing food, you mutter, “Someone bring me back to France”
  • You have to unsubscribe from a newsletter full of travel tips about France because now it just makes you sad
  • At Sam’s Club, your dad suggests buying croissants, but you basically go “nah” because you know they’ll taste of imitation and failure compared to French croissants
  • Iszi and Nat are talking about setting traps for college students, and someone mentions using free beer as bait, and you say, “If you put something French in a box, I’d go get it” …especially because one of your friends just gave you a set of The Little Prince bracelets for a late birthday present
  • Nat’s talking about finding your passion in life, and you figure that French is already a given, so you say, “I like my gossip”
    • She responds, “You’re made of salt and you’re made of French, so you can probably be salty in French”
  • You sort of lived off of chocolate chip muffins from Greenberry’s a few times a week at R-MC, but when the coffee shop ladies give you one for free after graduation, you can barely eat it the next day because it tastes overly processed and sweet
  • The final clue in an escape room is a map of Paris, and you recognize the city instantly and are so delighted to be holding a little slice of France in your hands that you pretty much stop paying attention to the rest of the room. Luckily, your friends aren’t captured by the Francophile trap.
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