You’ve been in France too long when…, III

  • Your mom brings you madeleines from Starbucks, but they’re so revoltingly sweet, you don’t know if you’ve ever been more offended in your life
  • Madeline says, “SARENA you salty french bitch,” and it’s one of the most beautiful compliments you’ve ever received
  • You forgot how nice and smooth your hair feels when it’s not weighed down by hard water. Now you can happily go back to distressing your friends with your party trick
  • Reviewing study abroad notes for CV purposes renders you incapable of thinking in English (I typed this in English while thinking in French. It was not fun.)
  • Wegman’s makes you weigh your produce to print out a barcode sticker with the price, in true French style, and nothing’s ever felt more right in America
  • You haven’t known true hardship until you’re going through a 1000-word vocabulary list for the GRE and start reading all the words with a French accent, so you have to start over because some of them simply don’t make sense in French
  • You’re going on a walk through the neighborhood with your mom, and walking back to your car with your dad, and strangers walk past you and say “hi,” resulting in you side-eyeing them like, “Who the hell are you?” You’ve been gone from southern hospitality for too long, but at least your parents are less confused and respond for you
  • You go to vote in person for the first time, but you applied to vote absentee while in France so it causes all sorts of issues and then you can’t vote at all #yaybrokendemocracy
  • Madeline calls you a nerd when you say you have to go see the Simone de Beauvoir exhibition in DC, and you don’t even have a counterargument because you know she’s right
  • Your parents drag you along to Olive Garden, but their breadsticks are the saddest and most pitiful things after French bread
  • While watching/fangirling over Wonder Woman, you exclaim, “Hey, I’ve been there!” (Paris) and momentarily wonder why there are subtitles for the French dialogue
  • Reading Le Deuxième Sexe makes you realize it’s rather problematic that you recognize more words in a foreign language than in a GRE review book (attacking standardized tests is another problem for another day)
  • You point out to Nat, “Look, you can watch Moana in French!” You do not watch Moana in French, partly because she doesn’t know French and partly because you refused to watch it in France because they didn’t hire Polynesian voice actors/actresses
  • Autocorrect on your phone changes English words into French ones
  • You accidentally reply to a text in French…with a friend who doesn’t even speak French
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2 thoughts on “You’ve been in France too long when…, III

  1. Rebecca says:

    So accurate with the Starbucks, hard water, and strangers saying “hello.” Also, the food portion sizes…I’ve wondered how I’d even managed to finish my plate at an American restaurant before moving to France; now, I can barely get through a main course without feeling like throwing up afterwards. Good ol’ America…

    • Sarena says:

      I totally agree with you on the food portion sizes. Whenever I eat out now, I almost always end up taking half the food back home. (So glad this practice isn’t frowned upon in America!)

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