Things Kids Say, Pt. IV

I’ve stopped diligently recording everything my 2nd graders say and do, because so much happens during the day, and I can only remember so much. But the realest quote came from my partner teacher: “Ms. Sarena, no one would ever believe what happens at this school.” I’ve also learned that I need to put on weight because my 7-8 year old children can pick me up, and that’s low-key terrifying.

  • Student runs up to me and hugs me at recess: “N said you that have teenage feet!” Girl, I have child feet. I legit wear a size 2 to 4 in children’s shoes. Why am I this small? We just don’t know.
  • One day, everyone except 2nd grade received cereal for breakfast. The little space cadet saw that his class had bagels, and proceeded to make his “mad face.” His form of protest? Sprawling out on the cafeteria bench and covering his head with his jacket. This kid is the light of my life.
    • The art teacher passed out coloring pages as a reward for good behavior, and when O received his, he held it up with both hands, shook it at the ceiling, and muttered, “A Squirtle? Really? Come on. I want a Charizard.”
    • I caught him holding one of his dreads and twanging it like a guitar string during class, and I couldn’t even reprimand him because he caught me laughing at him.
  • I never thought I’d see the day when I had to chase one of my kids around the room three times because he was too embarrassed to give the teacher his thank you letter. I had to stifle my laughter the entire time because he was mumbling, “I can’t do this” as he walked straight past the teacher’s desk. Finally, I had to grab his arm and hold his hand out so that Ms. K could take the card from him.
  • At recess, one of my weirder girls ran up to me and said, “Ms. Sarena, button your shirt! Your boobies are showing!”
  • One of my students raised his hand, and I walked over, thinking he needed help with the assignment. He waited until I crouched down, and then he asked, “When you were a baby, were you black?”
    • He also stared at the cubbies and backpacks, and started quietly singing to himself, “Strippin’, strippin’, strippin’.”
  • Upon seeing two rings on my middle finger: “Are you married? Did you kiss the bride? You did? That means you kissed the husband too!”
  • Two different students guessed that I was 99, so I rolled with it.
  • After she overheard me telling a teacher that I’m Chinese: “That’s why your hands are so soft!”

3rd grade afterschool:

  • “It’s called baseball because you take the ball to the basement.”
  • “You’re from a poor country because you’re skinny!”